“You just stay in fantasy land single mum”

Recently, I was met with some criticism for creating this little blog. I was told that it is “fraudulent and inaccurate” because I am not a Single Parent.

“What do you mean you’re not a single parent Amy?”. Well, thanks for asking. The reason that I am allegedly not a single parent, is because I receive Child Support payments from Lennon’s father and he sees her for a few hours per week. To me, these are two reasons that confirm I am in fact a “Single Parent”.

I did a quick Google search for the definition-

Single Parent: A single parent is a person who lives with a child or children and who does not have a spouse or live-in partner.
Right! I fit into this category which is exactly what I explained to the criticizer- “I am not in any form of relationship therefore I am “single”. I have a daughter and therefore a “parent”, specifically a “mother”. When you put those two together, I am a “single parent/mother””. Nope, apparently it is different for me. You know the old saying, “you’ll never win an argument with an idiot”?!!

There were some other helpful and less helpful suggestions from Google. Questions like “how to make a single mom fall in love with you”, to biased “definitions” (I use that term loosely) on the kind of character a single mother possesses. And you know what it made me think? Firstly, WHAT THE FUCK?!? I mean, lets be honest, freedom of speech is great, I clearly wouldn’t be here if it didn’t exist (at least in the Western world). But really?!!

Then my second thought was, why? Why is there STILL such stigma, discomfort and sadness attached to being a single mother? I say single mother because I didn’t see any negative comments about single fathers. I’m sure if I did some thorough google searching, I’d find it, but for arguments sake, I’m concentrating on single mums.

Even when I’ve met with my Maternal & Child Health nurses, I get this look from them when I mention that Lennon’s father and I are no longer together. Yes it’s nice for them to check in and see how I’m coping emotionally, but a really helpful follow up comment would be something like “good on you” or a simple “yes!” or to channel one of my best friends “YASSS QUEEN!!!”. Because we single parents (I’m including both you mums and dads in this one), we are fucking amazing!

I sometimes have a moment where I think to myself that Lennon is going to be sad as she grows up only living with her mum, or she’ll be envious of her friends or family who live with both parents and there is a good chance this will happen, and it’ll quite possibly happen more than once. But the belief I’ve had since before Lennon’s father and I even split up- it is better that she lives in a home where she is surrounded by love and happiness with one parent than living in a home with her two parents but be surrounded by arguing, hostility and negativity”. And I stand by that! On top of that, I feel that as a mother of a daughter, I am (hopefully) teaching Lennon some very important lessons about being a female in this world. Women are capable of anything and everything! We can work in a high paying job. We can play “male” sports. We can work in a male dominated industry. We don’t need a partner to determine our worth. We can be strong. We can be soft. We can be proud. We can be in control of our own lives, however that may look. And no partner (whether they be male or female) can take that control or choice away from you!

So criticizer, if you are reading this, I AM A SINGLE MOTHER! I AM A SINGLE PARENT! And I am proud! I am strong! And I am capable! Whether I receive Child Support or not, whether my daughter sees her father for a few hours or even an entire weekend in the week, none of this changes.

Your words will not stop me from writing this or speaking my truth. Your words will not break me or upset me any more. You had your time and my god did you break my spirits and my sense of self, but I am done with you! You and your threats can not control me! Not now, and not ever again!

Love and light

Amy ✨